How To Keep Wedding Anxiety In Check

Hey guys, Kate here! Welcome to another Wedding Planning Collective blog topic! Today we’re going to discuss something that I know most couples can relate to at some point, and that’s wedding anxiety. Whether it finds you during the initial planning stages, waits until you’re further along in the process, or is something you’re nervous about dealing with on the wedding day itself, It’s super common to have some level of anxiety along the way. So today we’re going to go over 6 ways you can keep your anxiety in check, allowing you to enjoy the planning process, and your wedding day!

1. Anticipate your anxieties

While this one might sound obvious, I’m going to encourage you to get a little deep with this one. Whether you’ve experienced it yet or not, we all know that wedding planning can be stressful. Even if you have all the checklists, planning tools, and a very supportive wedding party, you’ll likely have some challenging moments along the way. I don’t say all of this to make you more anxious or stressed, but to recognize that it’s totally normal, and just a part of planning such a big event.

If you have experienced anxiety in the past, or maybe you know you don’t respond well in stressful situations, this is where you can get ahead of it. Take some time to think back on past moments that you’ve had to deal with stress and anxiety, and remember what it felt like. Were there signs that it was coming on, or ways that you wish you could have handled it differently? If you could go back in time and give yourself advise on how to handle it, what would you say? Reflecting on past scenarios that have sparked similar stresses can really help you feel more in control when you find yourself in these situations again.

For example, if you’ve had a history of procrastinating on big projects, and always seem to be pulling all-nighters in the days before things are due, make sure to get ahead of it so you’re not crazed the last month or week of the wedding. When you find yourself falling into the habit of procrastinating, think about how stressful those moments have been in the past, and give yourself the gift of checking things off the list on time.

If this procrastinating example is hitting home for you, make sure that you set due dates along with your checklists to help keep yourself accountable. Set the deadlines ahead of schedule if needed to help with the inevitable delays. You can make weekly check-ins together to make sure you’re on track. Keep you natural skillsets in mind when delegating the planning skills amongst each other too! If one of you is better at excel and the other is better with communications, embrace the roles in planning that will be easiest for you to tackle.

Another example when it comes to anticipating your anxieties involves the budget. One of the most stressful things about wedding planning is the amount of money that can seem to be constantly draining from your bank account. If you’ve listened to any episodes of the podcast, you’ll know how important getting a handle on the budget right away is. I won’t dwell too much on that here, you can always listen back to past episodes for more specific tips. However, a great way to help keep the budget anxieties away is to be generous with your “miscellaneous” category for unexpected costs. Having this set aside will make you feel so much better if you have forgotten to budget for something important, and worst case is that you have some extra cash for your honeymoon in the end!

One final example of anticipating your anxieties is for those that may feel uncomfortable being in the spotlight. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had couples tell me that they don’t like being the center of attention, and they are nervous about that for the wedding day. First off, that’s TOTALLY normal and natural. However, the truth is, you and your fiancé will be the center of attention that day. For most, it may be a bit awkward, or uncomfortable, but it’s not keeping you up at night or distracting you from the rest of the planning. However, if the thought of this makes your stomach completely flip in the worst way, I say this with love, but maybe a big wedding isn’t for you. You may enjoy a small, intimate wedding with just your immediate family much more than a larger event. Remember, it’s your wedding, do what feels best for the two of you.

2. Hire professionals

Your wedding team is going to be with you through some of the most stressful moments, and hiring wedding pros over family and friends, or going the DIY route, can be a real sanity saver. They will help support you through the details that pertain to their services that you may be stressed about, and can be a sounding board for any questions or concerns that you’re having while planning. They can also save you from the costly and or time consuming mistakes that are often made by couples.

A perfect example for this would be hiring a DJ. I know it can be tempting to think a Spotify playlist and a bluetooth speaker is all you need for a great dance party, but there are very few scenarios where I would cosign on this as an option for your reception. A professional DJ does much more than hit play though, like supplying all the equipment needed for both the ceremony and reception, walking you through your song selections, MCing the event, troubleshooting any technical issues, and keeping the energy up in the room.

If you decide to DIY your music, you’ll need to take on all of this, plus source someone to be the one to set it up and tear down on the wedding day. You may be able to handle it, but it will definitely add to your to-do list and potential anxiety, so the savings may not be worth it. Remember that it’s important to anticipate your anxieties when it comes to the wedding, and if having lots of set up tasks to do on your wedding day gets your heart rate going, that’s a perfect time to bring in the professionals.

The other benefit for hiring pros for your wedding, is that you can relax on the week or day of knowing that you’ve got a great team on your side. All the work that you did in researching and hiring them will pay off when you know you can sit back and enjoy the day. Your team of professionals will be working together to get everything in order, and are experienced in troubleshooting, should anything come up.

3. Don’t get caught up in compare and despair.

We’ve all heard the phrase “comparison is the thief of joy”, and this is definitely true when it comes to wedding planning. It’s so easy to go down the Pinterest rabbit hole while planning, and it’s inevitable that you’ll be at least a little frustrated or even disappointed if your budget doesn’t allow you to do certain things.

Weddings are no different than cars, houses, or wardrobes in that some people have millions to spend, and others (most of us) have much less.

It’s really important to not let yourself get too caught up in this comparison game when planning, or you’re going feel disappointed in what you’re able to afford, or start your marriage off in massive debt by spending too much on the wedding. If you find yourself getting frustrated by constant comparison of your wedding to others, find some unique ways to make your wedding stand out from others that doesn’t necessarily have to come with a big price tag. This will give you something specific to focus on and will keep the frustration at bay.

4. Get support

This is going to look different for everyone, but it’s definitely an important component of wedding planning. Before getting engaged, I think many people think that the wedding planning process is going to be a collaborative effort with both sides of the family and your wedding party. While this may be true for some, it can be a shock to the system to realize that, and I say this with love, your wedding will not be everyone else’s priority.

I see over and over again posts of brides feeling alone in the planning, even if they have a supportive fiancé and family. And this is so so common! Planning a wedding can feel like you’ve added a full time job to your plate, in addition to all of your other responsibilities. And for most couples, one person takes on the bulk of the planning, while the other takes on a more secondary role. Even if the actual gap in responsibilities is minimal, that gap can feel significant for the one taking the lead, and it will often result in feelings of animosity and frustration.

And of course, all that can only increase wedding anxiety. But that’s what we’re here to avoid, so let’s talk about a couple of ways to feel supported. If you do have a group of family and friends that want to help, delegate certain tasks to them that you’re ok letting go of. Keep a list of tasks that you would be happy to pass off, or that you could use some help with, so that you can happily pass them off at the right time. You can still set expectations and have final approval of all decisions, but if they can help with some research or busy work, that would be extremely helpful!

If getting hands on support from family or friends isn’t an option, try connecting with other couples planning online. Sometimes all you need is a neutral opinion on something, or even just someone to be as excited about the plans as you are. If that’s the case for you, Facebook Groups may be the perfect spot for you. While other social media platforms are great for tips and inspiration, the classic Facebook Group can offer a great spot to actually converse with others going through similar struggles as you.

And there are groups for EVERY. THING. You can search for groups based on your location, wedding theme, wedding date, or pretty much anything else you can think of. You can join as many groups as you’d like, and find one that feels like a comfortable and safe space for you to share your planning struggles. Of course, I’d love for you to join us in the Wedding Planning Collective Facebook Group, along with any others you need to make sure you’re feeling supported!

5. Make someone your contact

This one is very specific to the wedding day itself, but the last thing you want on your wedding day is for everyone to be coming to you with questions. Definitely try to anticipate any questions ahead of time by providing your wedding party with as much detail about the weekend as possible ahead of time. Send them the timeline for the day, and make sure they have all the addresses and other information that they might need in advance.

If you don’t have at least a Day of Coordinator that you’re working with, designate someone in your wedding party to be the main point person for you if the vendors have any questions. Even if said person needs to come to you to ask the questions, it can feel less overwhelming having one person asking you things over many people trying to track you down.

And if you’re able, give someone in your wedding party your phone while you’re getting ready so that you’re not bombarded with silly little questions or texts that can add to the anxiety. You’ll be able to go back and see all the supportive notifications, but if they can save you from the stressful texts (clear throat…like all the wedding party asking what time they need to be somewhere even though you’ve told them at least 7 times already), that can really help keep the anxiety from spiraling.

6. And finally, number 6….learn how to just let it go.

When I first wrote this, I was thinking specifically of things that pop up on the wedding day, but honestly, it really can pertain to pretty much everything when it comes to wedding planning. Of course there are things that are important that you don’t want to just “let go”, but I think we can all admit that we’ve gotten hung up on things in the past that we really didn’t need to.

We’ve talked about picking your battles before in regards to the guest list, but it’s not a bad concept to keep in mind throughout the rest of your plans. There are obviously going to be some things that are important to you, but it you’re being honest, there are probably things that you can spend less time worrying about that will help you enjoy the planning process more. Keeping this in mind will help make sure you’re spending your energy on the details that are important to you, rather than burning yourself out on the smaller things.

And when it comes to the wedding day itself, keep focused on the fact that it’s finally the day you get to marry your best friend, and everything else is a bonus.

Something goes off plan at every wedding, there are so many details involved it’s impossible for it not to. But these things are almost always so minor, you will likely not even notice, and it’s definitely not worth getting worked up over. Keep the goal of the wedding day in mind, and the day will be perfect!

And there you have it, 6 ways to help keep your wedding anxiety in check! Do you have wedding planning questions you’d like to have answered? Head over to The Wedding Planning Collective Facebook Group and ask them there! And if you found this post helpful, please take a quick second to check out the podcast and rate and review on the platform you listen on. It would mean the world to me, and will help other couples find the wedding planning tips they need. Thank you so much, and I’ll see you soon!